Self-Portrait

I grew up in a room of colors with fictitious worlds painted on my wall.  In my head more worlds collide; twisting and shifting before my view.  I smile as it consumes my reality, locking away time and holding my attention.  It is my reality.  I frown at the slinking, vaporous blackness hovering just barely out of sight.

The tendrils of darkness reach for me, almost brushing my arm.  My heart thuds and I gasp, pulling away.  My gaze falls back to the soft light coming from the surrounding nations, a refuge from the dark.  The darkness retreats leaving sorrow to fill its place.  Tears briefly sting my eyes and my vision blurs, but I clench my jaw until it passes.  The light worlds spin and their lights dance, once more entrancing me.

Suddenly my eyes jump into focus and I am confronted with sheets of paper and the ink of the book I’m supposed to be reading.  I scan a sentence or two, but it isn’t long before a word catches my gaze.  The word wavers softly.  Something stirs inside me and once more I am back to my worlds of light.  But a tremor runs through me as I realize I’m on wrong side.  The light from my nations twinkle dimly from the far horizon.  Then the fear fades slightly, an unwilling smile twitches my lips as the dark starts to take hold.

I flinch.  Cream paper and hard black words confront and reassure me, but the dark still lingers, waiting.  As it gradually creeps nearer, I plunge into my worlds of light intentionally, fleeing from pursuing Blackness.  The darkness hisses and shrinks away, but it is not without cost.  I watch in dismay as another part of my nation of light is darkened and dragged slowly.

A sharp, piercing, screaming tone penetrates my consciousness.  My worlds vanish, shattered by the ringing bell seizing my attention.  I sigh and stand up.  It is time to create another daydream; one to replace the part of my light nation that is now shadowed, twisted, and grotesque.  I walk the halls, and though it is the same as before, it somehow seems different.  As I walk, passing students and classrooms, I am once more confronted with the question of reality.  My worlds echo inside and my personality swishes and revolves around them.